My Life Stopped

I have always been self-motivated and driven. On October 5, 2010 I got my first concussion during a volleyball game. I was taken by ambulance to the emergency room, where they told me to go home and take an Advil. It was the first of seven concussions.

I ignored the symptoms for several months until the headaches became so unbearable no amount of medication alleviated the pain. I had to drop out of college. I wasn’t performing well at work. I spent a lot of time just sitting in a dark basement.

I spent the next two months in and out of doctor’s offices — specialists, neurologists, and therapists. No one was really sure as to what was going on. Eventually, a couple of the specialists started to entertain the idea that I might have brain cancer.

This ruined me.

I never told anyone. I continually lied about how I was doing. I never admitted to it, but I was a wreck. One evening I was driving home late at night and attempted to pull my car in front of an oncoming semi truck but I could not turn my steering wheel. I had two hands trying to pull my car towards the truck, but nothing happened. We sailed right past each other.

I spent two months in and out of doctor’s offices. No one was really sure what was going on. Eventually, a couple of the specialists started to entertain the idea that I might have brain cancer.

A week later I was in my room consumed with the thought of dying of brain cancer at 18. I wanted to take matters into my own hands. So for the second time in a week I attempted suicide. I was going to put my mouth over the exhaust pipe of my car, but I could not find either set of my keys. Later I found them both sitting on top of my night table. I didn’t tell anyone of this for several months.

Following two failed suicides and the news that I did not have cancer, I began to continue on with my life. I should say, I attempted to continue on with what was left of my life. Anything I valued and truly enjoyed like completing my university degree, playing sports, spending time with friends was highly affected by my health.

That summer I got two more concussions. The pain was getting worse again. My parents kept suggesting that some people come and pray for me. I wasn’t too keen on this idea, but because of my parents’ persistence I eventually agreed. They also helped me dispel many lies that I have started to believe about myself. I was very stressed about how useless I felt. Not long after, all of my pain and symptoms disappeared. I can’t really explain what happened.

I know it takes adversity to shape character, but knowing that doesn’t help much when you’re right in the middle of it. If you’ve been sidetracked by health issues, you don’t have to face it alone. Use the form below to get in touch.

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