My Life Stopped
I have always been self-motivated and driven. On October 5, 2010 I got my first concussion during a volleyball game. I was taken by ambulance to the emergency room, where they told me to go home and take an Advil. It was the first of seven concussions.
I ignored the symptoms for several months until the headaches became so unbearable no amount of medication alleviated the pain. I had to drop out of college. I wasn’t performing well at work. I spent a lot of time just sitting in a dark basement.
I spent the next two months in and out of doctor’s offices — specialists, neurologists, and therapists. No one was really sure as to what was going on. Eventually, a couple of the specialists started to entertain the idea that I might have brain cancer.
This ruined me.
I never told anyone. I continually lied about how I was doing. I never admitted to it, but I was a wreck. One evening I was driving home late at night and attempted to pull my car in front of an oncoming semi truck but I could not turn my steering wheel. I had two hands trying to pull my car towards the truck, but nothing happened. We sailed right past each other.
I spent two months in and out of doctor’s offices. No one was really sure what was going on. Eventually, a couple of the specialists started to entertain the idea that I might have brain cancer.
A week later I was in my room consumed with the thought of dying of brain cancer at 18. I wanted to take matters into my own hands. So for the second time in a week I attempted suicide. I was going to put my mouth over the exhaust pipe of my car, but I could not find either set of my keys. Later I found them both sitting on top of my night table. I didn’t tell anyone of this for several months.
Following two failed suicides and the news that I did not have cancer, I began to continue on with my life. I should say, I attempted to continue on with what was left of my life. Anything I valued and truly enjoyed like completing my university degree, playing sports, spending time with friends was highly affected by my health.
That summer I got two more concussions. The pain was getting worse again. My parents kept suggesting that some people come and pray for me. I wasn’t too keen on this idea, but because of my parents’ persistence I eventually agreed. They also helped me dispel many lies that I have started to believe about myself. I was very stressed about how useless I felt. Not long after, all of my pain and symptoms disappeared. I can’t really explain what happened.
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