As the traditional saying doesn't go: 'Tis the season to be … gloomy.

Feeling low this Christmas season? You’re not alone. Amid cheery songs, festive parties, gifts, and good wishes, many lonely people are crying or dying on the inside. Maybe you’re one of them. I was. During a horrible year, my wife of 20 years divorced me, my employer of 25 years fired me, and I had a cancer scare. As I drove home one night, lovely Christmas music came on the radio. Melancholy aching evidenced the deep pain of abandonment and loss that I was still processing.

No fun.

Romantic estrangement, family strife, and bereavement can make your holidays dismal. One of Elvis Presley’s most popular songs was “Blue Christmas.” A lonely crooner mourns heartbreaking lost love. Performers from The Beach Boys to Celine Dion, Loretta Lynn, and Jon Bon Jovi have recorded it.

Does even thinking about that song make you depressed? The spoofed “Porky Pig” version could get you laughing. Google will take you there. But please … wait until finishing this short article to search, OK?!

Several factors can produce Christmas blues.{1}

• Hectic activity can bring physical and emotional stress.
• Overspending can produce financial pressure.
• Year-end reflection and focus on loss can magnify sorrow.

McGill University psychologist Dr. Michael Spevack notes, “Overeating and overdrinking combined with a decreased amount of sleep is also a formula for extreme emotional swings.” Depression can lead to thoughts of suicide, especially among the socially isolated, he says.{2}

The “empty chair”

Is your family apart this season by necessity or choice? Maybe an “empty chair” reminds you of your pain. Does the Christmas “Ho, Ho, Ho” contrast with your deep anguish?

One widow recalled how she felt during the Christmas after her husband’s death: “Little mattered to me. I didn’t want to hear carols. I didn’t want to be cheered up. I didn’t want to look at perky Christmas cards. I wanted the same thing I’d wanted every day for eight months: the strength to force myself out of bed in the morning, to brush my teeth and to eat.”{3}

One possible influence, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression the medical community doesn’t completely understand. The Mayo Clinic says genetics, age, and body chemistry could be the culprits. Mayo recommends seeing your doctor if you feel down for days and have motivation problems. Symptoms can include changing sleep patterns and appetite, feeling hopeless, contemplating suicide, or seeking comfort in alcohol.{4}

Coping

How can you cope with Christmas loneliness? Here are some suggestions:

• Spend time with people, especially positive ones who lift your spirits. Perhaps you’ll be grateful for their cheer.
• Exercise regularly. Blood pumping can help clear your mind.
• Eat right. Chocaholics beware. Overindulgence can mean temporary highs followed by disappointing flab.
• Lights on! Enjoy sunlight, outdoors if possible. Brighten up your home and workplace. Light therapy sometimes helps SAD.
• Budget your gift spending and stick with your budget. Prevent January bill shock.
• Talk about your feelings. Keeping them bottled up can mean anxiety, ulcers, sour disposition, and/or explosion. Need someone trustworthy to listen to your struggles? You can connect with a free and confidential mentor from this site.
• Give to others. Volunteer. Medical professor Stephen Post, PhD, is convinced that giving is essential for optimum physical and mental health in our fragmented society. He says some California physicians give volunteerism “prescriptions” to their Medicare patients.{5}
• Seek counsel. I used to be embarrassed to obtain professional counsel. Now I recommend it. We all can use good advice for navigating life’s storms.
• Develop spiritual roots. I’m glad that before my dark days began, I already had my faith. Believing in something eternal can help put the temporal in perspective.

You can choose how to let this holiday season affect you. You can let it bring you down or allow it to lift your spirits despite whatever unpleasantness has happened to you this year or who is not sharing the season with you. You may feel lonely, but you are not alone. If you need help coping with the holiday blues, our confidential online mentors are here to listen.

Endnotes:

1. “Christmas Holiday Depression,” 18 December 2005; www.medicalnewstoday.com.
2. Ibid.
3. Mary Cartledgehayes, “Blue Christmas – Grieving Through The Holidays,” Christian Century, December 27, 2003; www.findarticles.com.
4. “Seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” Mayo Clinic Staff, September 24, 2007; www.mayoclinic.com.
5. Stephen Post, PhD., and Jill Neimark, Why Good Things Happen to Good People (New York: Broadway Books, 2007).

This article was written by: Rusty Wright