You’ve just met someone. Suddenly, you feel alive and loved. No one has ever made you feel like this before! You can’t help but be amazed at the chemistry and electricity between you and your new love.
Many relationships start out this way. Unfortunately, when a relationship is built on infatuation, it can die as quickly as it springs up. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship and is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in the other person.
The truth is, this feeling of urgency, intensity, or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love. And you can’t trust it to tell you whether you should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship.
Far too many people jump into relationships and don’t guard their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated. Here are some basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.
Be Friends First
Finding a meaningful relationship takes time. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. Because many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love, they push too hard and too fast. But is it really love? Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake.
Be patient with the process.
Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity — and it will lead to unimaginable hurt. When you rush into a romantic relationship you:
- Say things you don’t mean.
- Make promises you can’t keep.
- Dig a hole that’s hard to get out of.
- Arouse expectations you can’t fulfill.
- Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
- Find it easy to make wrong choices.
- Don’t give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
- Keep looking for more emotional thrills and then invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
- Spend too much time with the one you’re dating, and exclude your friends.
- Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There’s no such thing. There’s good chemistry at first sight, - but not love at first sight. People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.
Misplaced Hunger for Love Can Hurt You
The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn’t allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22-minute episode or a 90-minute movie, we are left thinking that most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense, and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment.
Most of the students I talk to on my radio show are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend because they just want to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with or feel attracted to, don’t let your hunger for love throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you. If you just slow down, you could save yourself hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.
If you would like to talk with someone about your relationship, we have free, confidential mentors who would love to support you through the journey. Just click on the “Connect” tab below.
This article was originally published at TheHopeLine®.
This article was written by: Dawson McAllisterPhoto Credit: Priscilla Du Preez