I am 25 years old. I am worrying about sex with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like to use condoms and persuades me that it is safe if we just interrupt sex, but I am always afraid of pregnancy. Maybe I can calculate my safe days before or after menstruation? After sex I cannot get to sleep and I still feel very excited because he is near me. I feel very confused.

Dear Struggling,

If you have sex, you can get pregnant. My married friend, who has seven children, never intended to get pregnant. She relied on calculating the safe days. For the most part she did pretty well — she only miscalculated seven times in 15 years.

Condoms don’t always work. Without condoms he may enjoy it more, but will he help support you for the next 18 years while you raise his child? The only guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy (and sexually transmitted diseases) is not to have sex. That may shock you in this day and age when “everyone is having sex.” But truth be known, that is a false assumption promoted by TV and the movies. More and more people are choosing not to have sex until they are ready for exclusive commitment to another person. They have discovered that sex for sex’s sake is as unfulfilling as a taking first bite of chocolate without being allowed to finish the rest of the candy bar.

You need to determine how committed he is to you or if he is just using you for his own physical pleasure. If he truly loved and honored you, he would want to protect you and please you. He should be conscious of your goals, dreams, and desires that may not include having children at this point. And most likely, he is not ready for that responsibility either.

Sex is designed to produce offspring. Our bodies are made for procreation. If you two are not ready for a family, you most likely should not be engaging in the act that makes children. That is like eating a huge wedge of cake and not considering the calories that can lead to extra pounds.

Interrupting sex when he reaches the peak does little for you. You are not experiencing the full joy of the intimacy when he pulls away. It is not fair to you when he turns off the stove before you reach the boiling point. And in fact, it isn’t fair to him as well.

Sex as a self-fulfilling act is never truly satisfying. No wonder you are confused. If your boyfriend is committed to the relationship, find other ways to bond and grow as a couple. If you two are only seeking a physical utopia, you are both cheating yourselves of the total experience sex can provide — encompassing the body, mind, and soul in a loving, intimate, and “exclusive to only you two over a lifetime” of bonding.

If you are facing struggles in your relationship, you don't have to journey alone. We have free and confidential mentors ready to listen to you and to encourage you. Just use the "Connect" tab below.

This article was written by: Issues I Face

Photo Credit: Lauren Rushing