On my husband’s day off – which may fall on the same day as mine – he will try to tell me what he wants done for the day, not giving any consideration to the fact that I have worked all week too. He is an excellent provider and a caring dad to our two children. When I try to tell him that I have plans, he gets disappointed that I won’t stay home and polish the wood floor or clean all the carpets. I don’t like it when he tells me what to do. I was sexually abused by men in my family and by my teenage boyfriend. Where and why do all these control issues have to ruin my life?

Answer:

I have several questions. Since both of you are working outside the home, can you afford to pay someone to come in four hours a week to do the housework? You could bring the topic up with your husband by letting him know that you would like to spend some relaxing time with him to remember who he is and why you married him. Or, you could suggest that you spend time together on that day to get organized and do the housework as a team.

There is no perfect family, but there are good ones, and those take work, communication, and collaboration. You can also invite your children to participate more fully in family live by teaching them to do their own laundry, make their own lunches, fix one supper a week, clean up their rooms, etc.

You see to think there might be a link between your reaction to your husband's demands and your past. Have you sought to deal with the sexual abuse issues with the help of a good therapist? It usually takes several years of therapy and group work to process having been sexually abused. It might be helpful for you to work on those triggers so that current issues don’t agitate old wounds. The Wounded Heart, by Dan Allender is a good book to read to begin dealing with the abuse issue.

This article was written by: Issues I Face