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I was cut adrift from a lifelong dream, the sure anchor that had carried me through long years of study.
When I lost my leg, my whole world was turned upside down. This is my story…
I began to equate love with being thin. Still, on the outside, I worked hard to make it look like I had it all together.
It wasn’t like my body crumbled at once. I didn’t suddenly lose movement in my fingers, toes, shoulders, elbows, spine, jaw, and knees. For me, it was a slow, painful progression of immobility.
Good things come to those who wait. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But I’ve been waiting a long time. I don’t know when, or even if, I’ll find love. That’s the hardest part of being single.
I learned the language of silence. Keep your head down. Don’t say a word. Try to be invisible. Maybe if they forget you’re here it will stop. It didn’t stop.
I never know when it will hit me, nor why. Some days, I can do everything I have planned. I can even enjoy biking, hiking, or snowshoeing. But then, it hits me yet again.
I’ve always been ambitious, motivated, and focused on success. Because of multiple head injuries I spent three years in bed.
I felt truly pretty for the first time in my life. Sunshine covered my world. Being with him made me feel great. But then things changed.
I was different from most girls I knew. I wanted to be a boy.
It was as if I did not fit in any of the categories offered by society.
It was the need for sex that prompted my reckless drinking. That way I wouldn’t remember the deplorable things I had done to gain the attention of a guy.
Deep down, I knew I was broken. I knew I was harmed. My confidence in who I was was fundamentally cracked, and my identity was a blur because of it.
People can influence how we see ourselves. How much should others’ opinions matter? What happens when they begin to matter too much?
We all mask our feelings now and then. Are you performing the way everyone thinks you should? Do you wonder if anyone really knows you anymore?
If you are feeling jealous, there are probably other feelings to address first.
Have you ever stood in front of your closet and just felt fat? Me too. I am learning five ways that I can fight the feeling and make my closet — and my body — my friend.