I am 25 years old. I am worrying about sex with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like to use condoms and persuades me that it is safe if we just interrupt sex, but I am always afraid of pregnancy. Maybe I can calculate my safe days before or after menstruation? After sex I cannot get to sleep and I still feel very excited because he is near me. I feel very confused.
Women and men, even if married, need to learn all the facts and have a long discussion with their doctor before considering the various methods of contraception that exist. This is why.
Truth: If you have sex, you can get pregnant, no matter what form of contraceptive you use.
The only surefire way to prevent pregnancy (and sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS) is to choose not to have sex. My married friend — with seven children — never intended to get pregnant. She relied on calculating the safe days. For the most part she did pretty well because she only miscalculated seven times in fifteen years.
Condoms don’t always work either, but it is safer to use them than to refuse to use them. Your boyfriend may enjoy sex more without a condom, but is his request a responsible one? Will he be there for you for the next 18 years if you become pregnant and raise his child?
Contraceptives such as IUDs and diaphragms are not foolproof either and can damage your chances for pregnancy in the future. Even the pill isn’t always effective. Chemically faking your body’s natural hormone cycles and balances may not be a wise long term solution anyway.
Sex is also a behavioral issue.
If you are not ready to raise children as a couple, you are not truly ready for sex. Our bodies are designed to procreate as a result of sex. The problem arises when we believe we are ready for sex but are not ready for the natural consequences of that act, children. That is like saying we are ready to eat cake whenever we please but not to gain weight. There are things you can do to stall off the inevitable, but...
TV, magazines, and movies, even your peers, may convince you that it is natural to desire and have sex. And this is true. However, many erroneously believe it should simply be treated as a biological need, divorced from its purpose, and that is not true.
Sex outside of a committed loving relationship is not natural. The very fact that our race is 50% male and 50% female helps us understand that the intended ratio for sex is 1:1.
Psychologists reveal that since we have cognitive abilities, we are wired for bonding intimacy. Sex involves the whole being — body, mind and heart — so to deny the emotional aspect of the act and only want to participate in the physicality now can lead to all sorts of problems down the road when it comes time for you to marry.
Relationships that emphasize physical satisfaction without commitment are self-oriented and not other-oriented. They are focused on “getting pleasure out of the other person,” not sharing the experience or giving pleasure and love to their partner. Their partner becomes an object or means to achieve pleasure, not a subject of their affection. This is abusive behavior.
If your boyfriend only wants to “feel good”, then he is thinking of himself and not you. If he truly cared about you, he would not be so insistent.
It may be wise for you to stop having sex with him and truly think about your relationship. Are you trying to please him physically in order to keep him? Do you question the sincerity of his love and commitment to you, and are giving him sex because you think that if you don't, he will leave you?
If that is the case, you are both missing out on all that sex was meant to be.
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Raquel was living every girl's nightmare. Read her story — "Unplanned Pregnancy: Knocked Down."
This article was written by: Julie CosgrovePhoto Credit: Evan Kirby