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I know that taking care of myself – body, mind, soul and spirit - needs to be my first priority. I’m still on a journey to find balance in life.
I was constantly spending more on things than I needed to. I felt trapped and unable to control my money. It was controlling me.
The American dream was lining up for us. We were living the life. But there was still this unhappiness, like a buzz in the background that never went away.
At 63, I was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis, caused by a rare case of pneumonia that I never knew I had. My lungs were completely black. The situation was dire.
I didn’t even want to try taking a risk; defeat was unacceptable, shameful, and had consequences that affected everyone around you.
For many dark nights over the course of many months, I tossed and turned, consumed with anxiety by the state of our financial situation.
I felt just about everything: anger, sadness, confusion, embarrassment. I remember saying it out loud: I just lost my job.
There are people all around me, interacting with each other, having fun together: but I’m sitting here alone.
After a few years of policing, I began to crack. I was no longer easy-going and fun. I became an angry guy capable of hurting those that I loved the most.
I felt totally alone and completely misunderstood. I thought the only way to numb the pain was to kill myself.
The constant stress and ridicule by a manager, who didn't want me to look better than her, made me physically ill.